Come in. Grab a controller and a beer. We've got some Madden to beat.
You're the best girlfriend ever.
creepy tank top guy is at campus health. he's hitting on a girl recovering from a panic attack.
Did you really end last night's sexting with "Stay thirsty my friend"?
We've gotten 3 pitchers already by trading for CUPCAKES
Listen to my proposal.... I feed you crackers while I fuck you ever so gently.
I'm about one sudden movement away from being able to cross "throw up in a fortune 100 company's bathroom" off my bucket list.
Would you be mad if I just used the argument "I'm allowed to say that, my best friend is a lesbian"?
Never. I'm proud to help you win arguments.
i woke up soaking wet with shard of glass imbedded in my flesh dangerously close to my dick what happend?!!
BEER BOTTLE SWORD FIGHTHING!!
Btw. Being a stripper for a week without anyone knowing to pay off my school loan is no longer in my agenda.
Pretty sure the guy I hooked up with Saturday gave me a buy one get one free coupon for chipotle. Who said nice guys don't exist?
I did cocaine with my cab driver all night. It was the best date.
He had a small dick anyway. I'm glad I barfed on it.
She's officially a Tinder poltergeist.
When are you getting back?
Well google maps doesn't have an estimated time for crawling... Could be days
When we were finished she immediately got up, cut a star out of a piece of paper, colored it gold, taped it to my chest and deemed me the Sheriff of Sex.
Randomize
