Im eating ham and mustard naked, watching south park, but its totally cool cuz the paper plate is covering my nuts
We just made mixed drinks in the bathroom of burger king. This is sad.
It's cold our but I feel like a very blazed penguin
I kept grabbing at Stephanie's boobs because I thought the leopard spots on her dress were popcorn.
Im holding a competition......who saw me last, and who knows how my nose got bruised? you earn points for answering either question. and for bringing me water.
It was either a cute kinda butch tomgirl or a really fem guy. Either way, I made out with it. Bisexuality, my best friend.
The girl with a dislocated arm just did an assisted keg stand. You will never have an excuse again.
she kept yelling about wanting tacos, so I gave her a piece of bologna in a tortilla. she didn't know the difference
my post shower fart this morning sounded like hulk ripping through a phonebook
Well who could blame her. I would run away from me if I could.
There's no way I'm ready for marriage. I have too many pics of other guys' junk on my phone for an eternal commitment right now.
We will go to karaoke
Okay, well, i'm covered in paint, haven't showered & have already been drinking, so if I fall on the floor in a blaze of depeche mode & beer tears, you can't pretend you don't know me
The struggles of a small town man whore
Drink water, eat food, and stop tazing yourself
Yay I only have ONE giant mystery bruise from yesterday
Randomize
