im drinking this country out of the recession.
How the hell am I supposed to know what lotion to get her? They should have a dressing booth where I could go test how good it is for jerking off, then I'd know.
Idk if you've ever had the pleasure of 1. Vomiting on a sidewalk - at 3 in the afternoon 2. Vomiting nachos or 3. Vomiting nachos out of your nose but really I do not advise any of the above.
See this is what happens when we don't have sex everyday
He only dropped the Russian accent after we started having sex.
Don't make it weird, I don't think about you when I'm climaxing, it's just that I see you rooting me on.
I took her to the bar and boom. All of my past slump busters were there. Shes cool enough to know what that means and said she was afraid they'd eat her so we left.
I made out with a guy who was dressed as Borat
And like a minute in, I was like oh fuck what am I doing
Did you run away?
I DANCED AWAY.
Just found out I made out with the 40 year old Captain of the boat at the barge party. On the bright side he let me drive the boat so at least there's that.
sober me is the one who makes bad decisions every boyfriend I've ever had I met sober
should we try and roll a cross joint since its good friday? you know, for jesus
I had to say goodbye to one of my fuck buddies last night. He's voting for Trump, we shouldn't be doing it anyways.
i passed out in front of ihop...for the second night in a row. i think i need to reevaluate my life choices
Let's do something tonight. I feel like setting things on fire.
dude. that's the chick that BIT MY DICK. it doesn't matter how hot you think she is, trust me man.
Randomize
