His pick-up line from last night: "I bet you cant climb these stairs right now." Needless to say.. it worked.
My 54 year old father just sent me a YouTube link on my school email titled "Walrus sucks his own dick" and then wrote in the email "I wish I were a walrus". What the fuck is wrong with my family?
i've already watched her fall off the steps, walk up on our porch and try to dance with the dog, and stumble across the street to stand outside the neighbors window...is it taking it too far to watch this rando girl and some guy have sex behind our parking lot now?
I have been running off of weed, alcohol, and Mexican food. What is Tallahassee.
i just remember sitting on this bed, naked, STILL WITH A CONDOM ON, and suddenly these random girls were in the room shouting at me
I can't believe I had to convince you to not drink butter.
I don't think I have but I might've died. If I have then come get me, I'm in the flower bed. And still game.
I would have screamed and cried and bled and shit and then died. Fuck that guy.
Love is....waiting for your girl to throw up her shot in the bathroom...then handing her her beer. Game face.
my entire left arm went numb
you need to get that checked to make sure you're not wired to have strokes instead of orgasms
I told the American that we should start banging in Canada incase I get hurt and have to go to the hospital.. is that rude to say?
What's the plan?
Not sure. I think I'll take a dump on his windshield.
Fuck. I did it again. I plugged in my toaster and walked away thinking it needed to preheat. I am dumb.
he tied his pants around my leg to stop the bleeding... i think he just wanted a good excuse to take his pants off
well did it work?
it was a success in both ways.
So who has the penis shaped party tray? You or your mom?
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