She's sitting on the couch buck naked, eating a cupcake for dinner. I'm breaking new ground as a parent here.
Remind me to never go to the bar with your Asian friends again. I need to be able to read or pronounce what I'm drinking.
i think i had a heart attack, prayed, and jizzed my pants.all at once.
Hey thanks again for rolling me that blunt necklace. It was amazing.
seriously my hangover is so bad I feel like my eye lashes make blinking a workout
I'm sorry I peed on your everything.
she came back from her house with A paper cut , a 2liter of sprite with Bacardi , and half a mustache . we're inviting her more ofte
You are going to come home to a suitcase in the fridge. Just go with it.
I'm not sure what is worse, the fact that Hoffman doesn't sell vodka before 9am or that I was trying to buy vodka at 8:30am.
She licked my face when I was on the phone with a customer and I just laughed. Im not sure if thats good or bad
I have a story for you. It involves waffles and getting naked with the local weatherman.
But like it was sooo bad! At one point he tried to flip me over and he fell off the bed
I really hope this is just a phase, because I am not capable of carrying both of our drunken whore asses through life. Too much dead weight....
I'm floating on a rainbow and a purple elf is giving me advice. COME NOW!!!
I'm sorry for peeing on you last night. Will cookies make up for it?
Randomize