Dogs love guiness but it fucks up their kidneys
i think i scared a bird with my dick
passed a homeless guy with a sign that read "420 vetran" we gave him a bowl of bud
definitely fulfilled the lesbian status quo and fucked her in the back seat of my prius
Where would I incorporate "your boyfriend fucked the shit out of me last night" before or after Merry Christmas bitch?
WHY ARE YOU SMOKING WEED WHEN YOU JUST HAD A STROKE. AND MORE IMPORTANTLY WHY ARE YOU DOING IT WITHOUT ME.
We still on for coffee?
Cream and sugar. Deliver to planned parenthood in 45.
I'm auditing financial statements and ur growing weed this is bullshit how did this happen to me
God I need to stop before there's a picture of my dick on my mom's phone.
it's always good to have a friend that's a hairdresser, a massage therapist, maybe throw in a lawyer just in case, and always have a friend on food stamps
You would only karaoke to Spanish songs, but sang with the accent of the french candle stick in beauty and the beast.
You know your Halloween costume is slutty when you have to shave your pubes to wear it.
She pinched my nipples too hard I THINK THEYRE GONE
I TOLD YOU ABOUT GOTH CHICKS BRO. I WARNED YOU
I found a used condom and a hairbrush in my dryer this morning.
Hiring someone to do your laundry would be a good investment.
I know you won't see this for awhile, but I had to tell somebody, and you're like the only person who won't judge me for having an accidental erotic encounter with General Tso's chicken.
Randomize
