Kris Allen: Jason Mraz mixed with John Mayer and a splash of orgasmmm
woke up to 35 texts all saying im cheating on her
me and last nights hook up spent two hr. figuring out a reply we went with i love you..
do you know what's more awkward than a positive pregnancy in a public bathroom?
not a thing
walking in on a stranger's positive pregnancy test in a public bathroom
She's more of a "I'm gonna get herpes no matter how great her face looks like" pretty
we tried to steal a tractor last night. you should have come out.
Are you available to help carry me into the house Monday?
Saw on the news tonight that Hamilton county's syphilis rate is 9x the national average...use protection!
Thanks, mom.
i think my love is proven by the fact that i still want to have sex with you after this conversation
dude a monday night stripper made you motorboat her. you should get that checked out
New high score, I made the stripper choke me while I was getting a lap dance last night
So apparently I ended up throwing my clothes in the toilet after getting kicked out of TQ and ran around the neighborhood in my boxers. Works gonna suck hard once this hangover kicks in. Also: I lost a shoe so looks like flipflops for the rest of winter
I'm running on 2 hours of sleep. Just spent 6 minutes staring at the back of my hand thinking: "I don't really know this that well"
We'll get you some ice cream, but no sprinkles. Sprinkles are for winners.
I woke up with my shoes on but pants in the fish tank
Either im seeing the northern lightgs, someone is having a rave, or im on acid.. Im most likely on acid
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