I just saw a homeless guy on rollerblades; I don't think I've ever felt sorrier for someone in my life.
I knew we were gonna fuck after she told me she's seen that Porno before
I think we need to stop being best friends, its not good for our vaginas.
Well were gunna have to wash the couch cover now...maybe even the couch, soap or fire your decision
You're the only person that can successfully use titties and Jesus in the same sentence.
If we both finish he brings me a beer and cookies, if only he finishes I get wine and cheesecake. I think I'm in love.
You would think that me seductively unzipping my cat feetie pajamas would make him want to fuck me.
I'm gonna write a book one day about how to be the less attractive person girls settle for after getting dumped. I will send you a copy
Unintentional and slightly frustrating adventures are basically all I'm good for. Expect heart palpitations, cheap food, and homeless men serenading us.
I really dont wanna go to a traffic light party. I have nothing red to pretend I'm taken with. Without something red my "my girlfriend is away in the mines" story wont work.
When we got home I apparently addressed everyone as 'peasant' since it was my birthday, this followed by me demanding for my "peasants to wash me".
Woke up this morning with Nerf Bullets stuck to everything in my house and nut in my belly button. What exactly happened last night?
i always handshake my one night stand, im classy like that.
And besides a nice relationship, I just really want to get laid damnit
I woke up and he already had a joint rolled waiting next to the bed. Love.
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