dont quote avril lavinge. im to drunk.
Have u ever been so drunk that pissing urself felt like a better idea than walking to the bathroom? I entered those waters last night
i finished masturbating and realized my blackberry had accidentaly called my grandmother in my pocket during it. awkward...
Does boxed wine and camel crushes signify a college date? Lets hope so
I REALLY appreciate you guys taking care of me when im wasted but i think its weird when i wake up in different clothes than black out in
its safe to say i can delete the contact in my phone "brandon random bus make out" from spring break right?
Road trip to buy me a baby zebra..are you in or are you in?
Sorry for rubbing my feet on you and repeating "good pony, stay."
Will do. If it all falls thru I'm just gonna set up a sprinkler in my back yard and run thru it while taking jello shots. Perfect alternative to my 29th bday.
Due to certain anatomical proportions it was less like fucking and more like childbirth.
They tried to dine n dash at dennys and the waiter jumped on their car and broke their windshield
I mean if you can't appreciate a good looking dick then just get out.
one nice thing about being home: no walks of shame, just drives of shame
So not only did I get laid today but I also left with a 42” tv lol
its like probably shouldnt be sending pics of your asshole to strangers who work in the same building as you
Randomize
