these two guys are about to go shot for shot with syrup
now he is talking to a potato
I don't know how to say this, but I think you're a fucking bitch and the sooner you die I'll be happier.
Sorry- wrong number! :)
just woke up with a thong on my face, dont remember going home with anyone and its way too big for it to be a good thing
I was hoping we just happened to wake up naked and I hadn't fucked him.... no such luck.
My parents foreign exchange student just walked in on me whacking off. Welcome to America :)
How's your Sunday morning ritual of shitting and throwing up at the same time going?
I puked in the revolving door and had to sit down on the escalator. That hungover. It's safe to say people are judging me.
I never thought your mom would see me throwing up on my hands and knees in your front yard
I am not ready to suck todays dick. Todays dick just laughed and came on my face.
I found my phone outside under the leaves by the curb. What the fuck did I do last night
He pulled his pants down and said blow me, while passing out on my bed. I then pulled his pants up as he continuously started moaning in the background.
Oh if I trust ANYTHING about you it's your ability to lead a douchebag around by the dick
I wanted him to come me this time. So I told him last time I was in the city I hit a lady on the head with an inflatable Santa Claus and just found out that the restraining order she requested against me was granted. We never hung out.
There's nothing more rewarding than telling you that I fucked your dad
I can't believe that after 9 years of signing things as "BATMAN", the first place to turn it down was the liquor store down the block.
Randomize
