Ughh on my way to the bathroom now... literally just puked on myself and cleaned it off with a hot dog bun... I love tailgate
i think you're the only person in the world who masturbates to food network.
I would also like to inform you that I can no longer lay on my back because my tailbone is bruised from the nightstand. Good job.
Ok say I was sexually attracted to a patient who also happens to be in high school...on how many levels is that illegal? And will I actually hear the laws break when I fuck him
it took me 20 minutes to get her upstairs... she crawled under a car and wouldn't come out.
Is it bad of me to apply as a night shift counselor at a boys orphanage purely because of how laid that would get me at bars?
In between rounds of sex, you stopped and did drunken handstand push-ups.
It's fun yes. But hard on the body. I woke up with her purse, socks and one of her shoes in my room. The other shoe was outside. What the fuck were we doing last night?
no strings attached, like you could fuck him and then throw him off a building right after
My dog misses eating marshmallows out of your butt when you're passed out. That bordered on sex abuse, now that I think about it. My bad.
YOURE A FUCKING ADULT. DONT TELL ME ITS PAST YOUR BEDTIME WHEN I WANT TO GET ANOTHER COCKTAIL.
god i just can't wait for finals to end so i can just masturbate all day and night
I'm really stressed out right now.
I think you're confusing "stressed" and "sober".
I walked in the kitchen and heard her saying "We could have been so good together" as she caressed an egg with her cheek.
I called him my big strong man today. It's all downhill from here. Matching Christmas sweaters, here we come
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