There was a ginger baby in the car next to me. I almost totaled my car into the center divide.
I tried to assassinate the ginger baby
Are you guys doing anything tonight?
Krysta
these burps are starting to have way more vomit in them,
Nothing says fuck you quite like putting your used condom in someones mailbox for them to find in the morning.
You love me.
That's because, tragically, I adore whores.
the last thing i remember saying is "hope you like body hair"
sleazy september. first one with mono loses.
I woke up using a pile of socks as a pillow. I think theyre clean so thats a plus.
we're going to drop off one of our cars at the police station tonight so we'll be able to drive home in the morning
we can be functional adults and still think pizza lunchables are the shit
"I'm not drinking any more tonight." As I dipped my quesadilla in a shot of tequila....then eats it
This is the third time this year I've whored myself for a Netflix login. If this guy changes his password, I'm gonna fucking give up.
Or maybe pay for Netflix?
I'm not that desperate yet.
Should I go bust a nut on the beach
So apparently I’m into choking now
Divorce can be hard, but look on the bright side. Your soon to be ex raved about your dick and I’m great with hard things ;-)
Randomize
