Strip flip cup NEVER equals good idea
But, I don't have the body of a porn star, so nobody would hire me. Unless they're doing like a trip to the safari and they need an albino rhino
I didn't know that people actually queef. Is this a real thing?
I believe so, yes.
Would you be offended if I asked if it has happened to you?
I saw Winona at my church today. She has boobs, now.
Miracles do happen.
My booty call got married. Come over before I start tagging all the places my dick has been in her wedding photos.
Cause i'm hanging over the toilet bowl and thinking about your ball in my mouth is not helping
Best part of being a cop: When I showed up at Thanksgiving with stitches in my head I could tell them I was "protecting and serving" not "drinking and falling down". Career validated.
He wouldn't give me a cup of water for my bong so i sat in the drive thru to run up the timer until he gave it to me.
Did you make me take pictures of your ass last night because you fucked on some wet paint or did i dream that?
If you wake up tomorrow and start to wonder.... Yes you did just eat mild sauce from taco bell out of the package while informatively yelling about the loss of my virginity
17. The number of times my one night stand told me he loved me.
If I wear a tail on Halloween, how am I supposed to grind? Maybe I will just wear devil horns
Just to clarify, I'm still tripping balls
On an unrelated note, I've come up with a theory of everything
So my plane's delayed and some guy is talking to "sparkles" he just told her to never again sell drinks from her cleavage. This is why I don't go home
i was sitting on the kitchen floor shaking my gallon of vodka at people and asking if they wanted to climb the heaven hill... getting dumped is the best thing that has ever happend to me
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