its like the voldemort of pregnancies, we don't talk about it
you told the bartender not to open the bottle because you were gonna put it in your purse in case you get cut off later
maybe we can find two twins tonight and bang them together and then my life is complete
well, I suppose if I had to pick a penis to represent the american public, yours would be it
I think Charlie st. Cloud is the saddest thing I can masturbate to.
I'm so disappointed in myself I can actually taste it.
Does it taste like semen?
She just flushed the toilet with her head inside it...
My goal is to upperdeck the house I'm at, because it's some girl I don't know's birthday. Welcome to adulthood, bitch.
Her voice kills me. Its the perfect pitch to fuck with my hangover.
Didn't know what to wear so I ripped off my bed sheets and tied myself a toga. "a little hungover" is no way to describe me right now.
I just want to be naked all the time but not in a sexual, come-hither and look at my ass sort of way. In a slightly chubby yet not ashamed way as I eat Taco Bell and lay on soft fuzzy blankets.
Dude just the look on his face when she sat down next to him, threw one leg over his, and just said "so..." was fucking amazing
It was only in the sobering silence of the wilderness on the mountain, after I was too tired to talk anymore and I also didn't want to tell Julian that we were lost, that I realized how super tripped out I had been the entire time...
I've been trying to masturbate for the longest time now and so far I've accomplished getting tangled in my computer battery cord and phone charger and hitting my knee on my laptop.
So um... You probably shouldn't post that picture of me and your crotch just because that's a new level of raunchiness that I'm not willing to accept yet
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