so craigslist just dropped their "erotic services" ads. there goes our livelyhood
My girlfriend figured out who you are.
I had to move some guys boxers out of the dryer. This is the closest I'll be getting to dick this month.
You don't even understand how penises react in the cold. I'm like a 8 year old boy right now.
He's spent his last 3 years working at Urban Outfitters. No, I'm not sad I missed out on a life of mustaches, the dollar menu and shitty scarves.
Found out that no one else got Christmas bonuses...and you said nothing good could come from sleeping with my boss.
at this point every shot is just a haymaker to my liver
We just reached that moment of the night when you start making cookie quesadillas. Party on Wayne
how many lesbians have to have their hearts broken before they realise I am not that kind of DJ
I just really need a hug and a shower beer
Hello, the Less Drunk that has my sister's phone. I am the Moderately Drunk. I am questioning your Friday activities. Why are you not the More Drunk?
sitting in the prison waiting room in my boyfriends clothes. looooong story.
I told him he looked like my uncle.
Why would you say that in a bathtub?
i think i left you like a 5 minute message about the mcchicken burger i was eating. I think I called wanting sex but the mcchicken burger was a lot more seducing.
Spotify says I’m in the top 1% of Indigo Girls fans worldwide. Didn’t know I would peak this early.
Aren’t you trying to seem...less lesbian?
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