She just sent me a picture of a heart. I need to stop fucking freshman...
she was most def 27.5% uglier than a troll, but the sex was great
Aren't you glad we're at the point in our relationship where I don't even ask why you're hiding in the cabinet?
I just negotiated a blow job for an interview.
Well the pizza delivery man was either startled or incredibly intrigued to see me skateboarding in the living room by myself at 1 in the morning in ripped pantyhose
his phone is always ringing though. It makes me feel like I'm dating a doctor who's always on call.
yeah, dating a doctor sounds much better than fucking your drug dealer.
We just ended up getting drunk and doing field sobriety tests on each for practice... No one remembers who passed.
I've never been to a "going away to jail" cookout. do we bring a present?
Last night was the first and hopefully last night I will ever sleep in a hotel bath tub. Sober mind you.
I'm not even gonna ask.
No, man, we stole the housekeeper's key and we're just going room to room raiding mini fridges. Hurry
Logan has the vodka and snickers. We're making a run for it. Room 302
I may or may not have just hot boxed a backhoe on the construction site of a police station that's being rebuilt..
One eye has cum in it and the other has sunscreen
summertime
I can't believe you guys got into a sword fight over a chicken nugget
Oh, so that's where all the scratches came from...
I'm a girl who met my last three bfs in gay clubs. Think I'm doing something wrong?
Responsible things to do when you're too hungover to get out of bed: Breast self exam.
Randomize
