She is my favorite of all the girls you have fucked. Other than me.
my boobs just fell out on the dance floor. my wedding is totally beating your wedding
We may or may not have a drunk cat on our hands.
she wrote "SORRY" in her vomit and left
Of course I was flustered, I had a lot of penis in my face.
Just signed my boyfriend up on a dating website so I could officially have a reason to leave him for my hot neighbor.
I woke up on the toilet with my feet gorilla glued to the floor, cake and makeup on my face and my hand glued to my head.
Welcome to the world of vodka. Rule #1: NEVER PASS OUT. Happy 21st
She came to class yesterday wearing a shirt saying Maybe Partying Will Help. Showed up to class today and puked three times.
Remember that girl from my stats. class that I ran into at the bar 2 weeks ago? She literally hasn't been to class once since I told her I sit behind her.
Remember how I have such good luck that it's almost bullshit?
I'm afraid to ask, but go on.
Puked in my purse on my Uber ride home last night. Safe to say it's not a good idea to beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
I tried to cut you?! I'm sorry! PS where's my hair?
he told me he wanted me to go see his cat. apparently i was more interested in playing with his cat then having sex.
How did i spend $200 last night?
Every time you went to get me a drink, you also came back with shots. Then you fell down the steps.
Dear in laws. I am not spending any holidays with you. I dislike your company. A lot.
Randomize
