you're putting all your eggs in a very hungover basket
You stole her cigarette screaming that you were going to stop the air cancer from getting everyone.
at least i was looking out for everybody
Being college poor has reached a new low. I am giving up on masturbating so i can save money on toilet paper
She compares her life to Teen Mom. She's 28.
A man in denim coveralls just shotgunned a beer on the dance floor
on the list of things i learned today that are not stripper poles: ex-boyfriends, table legs, and police officers.
I love you more than champagne and correct grammar
Chick in class has 69 tattooed on the back of her neck. Target acquired.
I had fun watching you interact with the world around you. Like a fuckin 8 year old kid who just discovered build a bear but really wants a cigarette.
How bad would it be if I asked him for my "ho ho ho" thong back? They're my fav christmas pair!
He stared me down while singing "Let Me Love You" to me while we were having sex. I don't know whether to marry him or file a restraining order.
That was so not worth putting pants on for.
My roommate fed me my birth control pill while I was hungover laying on the couch so that's how my morning has been
You declared that afternoon sex will be referred to as "wet naps" from now on
Ugh. I need to go to the store, but I'm too lazy. Whatever shall I do? That girls still passed out. I should steal her car
Randomize
