Can i not drive my cunt home
He was passed out on the floor holding a beer can, rolled over switched hands and never spilled a drop. We need to practice.
I have decided today is drunk costume day. That is, i woke up still drunk and found costumes all over my floor. Heck yes. This is happening. Come over. Drink.
I just found him singing into an empty paper towel roll while microwaving an empty ice cream carton. I'm gonna run away now.
just tell her a well fed dog doesnt stray far from the porch, and if that doesnt work just keep fucking her sisters
My afternoon will now be spent googling genital warts. I think my life is over.
we were hooking up and then he goes "you can touch my penis" and i laughed too hard to do anything. no second date.
My new hangover cure is going for a haircut, just so the stylists give me a scalp massage during the shampoo.
That certainly explains the nine times your hair has looked different just this last month alone.
If I don't have tequila in my hand soon, I'm going to have to violate human rights laws
His name is Angel. I'm pretty sure he was sent from heaven solely to eat me out.
I think the best course of action at this point is to cut his balls off to get him to stop reproducing
Your vagina is like Nancy Drew lately.
I haven't answered because I haven't figured out a polite way of saying fuck no
I may have just got motorboated by a male stripper who told me I should be a porn star and not a vet student.
Look. All I'm saying is that if the USWNT can win a shit ton of medals and have two gay love stories with happy endings, there's still hope in this world
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