Dude, she DOES look like she'd give good head. No bottom jaw, I checked.
you probably should not have drank the wine that everyone spits out. and the sad part, that was not even your low point last night
I just made my bed perfectly before realizing that I'll be too drunk to appreciate it tonight
Talk about the highs and lows of a night out: had a threesome, then got robbed at knifepoint.
no. i just ate a whole thing of hot dogs. me and regret are sleepng alone tonigh.
This morning I proved to myself and all the kids on the playground that I can't puke and drive.
did u get his digits?
yes his name is chazbangbangbang according to my phone...
like a sex slave...but with a better dental insurance plan
When boys buy condoms it makes me feel proud of their mothers for doing a good job
Just you wait I'll be crying and puking everywhere in no time
Some guy just showed up at my door to return my bikini top. EXPLAIN NOW
I asked him if we could hang out sometime when we weren't hammered. He said he'd email me his number... that's when I knew I was going to die alone
I just put vagisil on my bug bites how do you think my morning is going
First contact since we had sex and it's to get my HBO password. I sure pick winners huh
Nothing says happy Monday quite like coffee and oral sex.
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