yes because when i jack off the first person i think about is christina applegate
omh. i just found SHIT IN THE SHOWER! who the fuck does that? and why do i always seem to find it?
Tell her to not eat the pizza she threw up on.
the lighter is IN the bong. I don't know what to do
eggs and jello shots do not qualify as 'brunch'
I remember all the people and all the acts I just have to match the person with the act
He's pretty cool once you ignore the fact that he's trying to get into your pants
That's the only way to get approved without a guarantor.
WHAT DOES THAT MEAN WHAT FUCKING LANGUAGE ARE YOU SPEAKING
Apparently when the cops arrived I was standing over him in the bathroom yelling, get the fuck up you piece of shit. Beer still in hand.
How is it that I, the only one that didn't drink last night, was the only one puking out the car window?
I woke up to both of you drawing on me in sharpie, unless a glorious threesome was had the night before that is not okay.
Who says it wasn't?
I have 2 bottles of wine, a sharpie, and a panda mask and don't have to wake up early. Can u do the math on this?
I really need to stop having sex.. I haven't been able to get a brush through the back of my hair for a good week and a half
also, i'm not sure if i'm proud to say this but our regional manager's hot fiance was grinding on me at the reception while he stood and watched.
i suppose that explains why he told me he plans on promoting you this Friday.
Im getting out of handcuffs then i'll give you a call
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