found a dugout with weed in it in dad's car. decided to top up the weed compartment with salvia. for fun.
If we keep treating our bodies like amusement parks we have another 10 years left at best.
he was chasing shots of soco with fistfuls of my birthday cake
My dad just walked in on me screwing the chick from the bar...the look of relief on his face was sort of hurtful.
just woke up in my neighbors garage.
scratch that. I'm like 6 miles from my house in a random garage.
you told the bartender not to open the bottle because you were gonna put it in your purse in case you get cut off later
facebook friend requested him the morning after while he was still asleep in my bed, a whole new level of creeper even for me
i just opened a seperate checking account to keep track of how much i make and spend on our keggers
Protocol on turning down a date from someone in the House of Representatives?
Your cum is still running out of me. I pity the next person that tries these jeans on....
Best part of Friday afternoon drinking? Having ping pong balls thrown into my cleavage.
Do you sleep with the same women I've already slept with on purpose?
Let's just say, I will never again lick an asshole.
I just found a condom in my jolly ranchers bag. This is a good omen.
I mean, who hasn’t been fingered in there back of an Uber?
Randomize
