Am I allowed to make my facebook status "loves farting in chairs"? I think it would shock every boy that I am friends with.
dear vagina, thank you for making it so goddamn hard to get pregnant. i love you.
just woke up with an anonymous loaf of bred in my bed and a piece in my mouth. this says alot about my life.
I wasn't trying to make you feel bad, I just agreed with you that your life does suck.
Softest bathroom rug I've slept on in my life, there have been many
Yeah I said my new jacket was waterproof, not puke through your nose proof.
Just did an entire nights worth of bar crawl in an hour. Boom
wearing the bible to the ABC party, thought you'd appreciate that.
I woke up to my bra draped over his lamp and a huge bump on my head. apparently, I face planted while having sex in the shower..
This German chick looked me up and down for a while. Then she grabbed my crotch, let go after a few seconds, and said "you vill do". I think I'm gonna like tonight.
I woke up just like any other Wednesday. Naked on the floor, hungover and covered head to toe in lube
I'm fine w planning around your penis prospecting. Saturday it is.
I'm drunk. And I'm alone. Eating chicken fingers in my underwear. I'd say life is grand.
I will pay you in sex, beer and popcorn if you will come fold my clothes for me.
Add free use of your panini press and its a deal.
Deal.
Her pegging playlist is all heavy metal so stay away if you wanna keep your ass intact
Randomize
