Come on the kid is gayer than me
Like the straightest thing he could do right now is take it up the butt
If there is ever a next time, care about me enough to lube it up no matter what my drunk ass says
i was blowing him and "what if god was one of us" came on his playlist. I had to leave
Note: footlong is not the password to the subway wi fi network.. p.s- im super high
all she kept saying was "harder" "mayo" and "who are you"
there may or may not be knives in your bed. I would check
After throwing up in a tequila bottle on my nightstand (still not sure how she did that) she asked if she could slip into something more comfortable.
Did you ever stop and think that god invented whiskey dick specifically for me
yeah we were the ones eating jello shots out of the back of a jeep in the bar parking lot
Yeah, you're right, it's a conspiracy against you. This small tight knit group of people who don't like assholes.
My dad just asked if I could bring snacks to jail this weekend. Like what does he think this is, some type of adult play date?
I've finally done it, I've downloaded some messenger lesbians like to use because some girl wanted to flirt.
Congrats, you're all grown up now.
I FEEL LIKE A GAY BUTTERFLY
Thank you for being so charming, but do you have syphilis?
If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns
The text I got from my boyfriend this morning: "babe, I'm not mad because I know you were drunk, but you kissed 3 guys last night and I wasn't one of them".
Randomize
