We drank from noon till 5 am, there was adderall and nice jews involved it was just crazy
'hiiiigh' is saved in my t9 for a reason
my roommate just caught me washing a dildo in the sink.
Who was that guy you went home with?
Hang on, I'm trying to ask his name right now.
Just got done fucking the squirter chick. She came when we were in a 69. I now know what it's like to be water boarded.
i feel like im paying for every hangover i didnt experience last year as a freshman. thank you sophomore year.
I can't come tonight. Someone took a shit in the dressing room. A.) Clean it up or B.) Kill myself. Text back with your answer.
I woke up to you singing What Makes You Beautiful and trying to blend an avocado with vodka.
Wait is it okay if I still want to fuck the whole USA swim team or is that only acceptable during the Olympics?
Everyone is speaking Spanish and this 300 hundred pound chick is talking about the time she got out of prison... Fuck this place
you texted him "it's time for the no pants dance", please get your tubes tied.
...Just this whole adulting thing gets in the way of mermaid drag shows at lesbian bars.
Went on a blind date. Afterwards I ripped my pants off and said "it's game time". He was into it.
You were in the girls bathroom yelling at some random chick because you thought she stole all the urinals. That's why you were kicked out.
Our sex is like an episode of "The Simpsons." Picture Homer choking Bart, and that's pretty much what we're into.
Randomize
