i threw up in a trash can last night at kellys irish times. but in a trash can because i'm a lady
i'm so bored i'm watching porn for fun. not even jacking off or anything. just watching.
You tried to tell me you weren't high while you were eating French onion dip out of the jar with a spoon
his tattoo said carpe diem which i thought was ironic considering his epilepsy
So we went to home depot to buy supplies to build a beer bong but ended up buying an office water cooler that were going to put vodka in
you read me verses from the beginners bible until my answering machine finally ran out of time and cut you off.
smelt my brothers hands when he got home to see if he lied about smoking again...he didn't lie but i definitely didn't expect to smell some other girls vagina.
I'm covered in pickle juice. Why do you people leave me alone?
Miller High Life will be the death of me. Well, that and shower sex.
Just doin' what I do best: sitting in a stall in the class building's bathroom, pondering life and exploring deep, dark corners of the internet before class.
Good because ass is like 60% of my diet now
At this point all my Tinder matches are telling me I'll be fucking the whole male population of UMass '17.
I just fell and sprained my ankle in the shower. No, I wasn't having sex. I was doing the time warp. Again.
Dude I turned down free booze. I think I'm growing as a person.
So apparently I fell asleep sitting on the toilet last night while my drunk girlfriend sang to me.
Randomize
