Yup u can hook up with me now and not goto jail
I just fell asleep with a sandwich in my mouth at Cosi..people definitely saw
i just told a girl i would suck the alcohol out of a deoderant stick
i hope chris hansen doesn't have a boat
beer for lunch on the first day back to school.... too soon?
the clerk said it was the first time she had ever seen someone walk in the next day to return the tux still wearing the tux
I feel like a Europe failure cause I'm coming home from the club at 3:30 and so many people are just arriving... Wtf? 3:30am People! Drink earlier!
It's a Tuesday.
You're married and I'm going to make out with a stranger tonight. Isn't that weird? It's like a gap in the time space continium.
Bring the pizza ill bring the boundaries we can cross
I didn't punch him it was just love coming out of my fist
I'm not sure what is worse, the fact that Hoffman doesn't sell vodka before 9am or that I was trying to buy vodka at 8:30am.
The next time you fuck up, your grandma sees your dick pics
I'm definitely not at Wal-Mart eating jalapeno poppers with an elevated blood alcohol content
From the bottom of my heart, thanks for never sending me unsolicited dick picks.
Dude, who WASN'T thinking of motorboating her?
Randomize
