i threw up in over 4 different places last night. it was like a world tour
you just love her because she lets you bang her with fruits and veggies!
I don't care how bad it tastes, i just put it in my mouth and deal with it
Dude, she literally just asked me if her mac'n'cheese makes me horny. I think I found the one.
just when i thought we would make it home without incident he tried to walk a police dog
Also, the wait staff kept prematurely clearing my Manhattans. Not sure if it was an oversight or a hint.
I am currently listening to someone take a shit. I hate the hole in the ceiling.
Ladies, we have an appointment at David's Bridal aurora this coming Sunday at 3pm. And an appointment at where ever tequila is served at noon.
Doing Jager Bombs on a Sunday morning is justified...How else is my team going to win?
If the egyptians can build pryamids men can walk on the moon and ron jeremy can sleep with all those bitches then we can finish these three handles of vodka
the police report says i screamed sanctuary from a jungle gym at the playground when they caught up with us, obviously they disregarded international law.
Also, I wish we had magnetic nipple rings and our boobs stuck together.
I'm potentially being cockblocked by Old Man Winter. What the fuck did I do to piss off an entire season?
I'm still mad from all the stupid shit he's done this week that even though I couldn't give two shits about Vday, I'm gonna throw an epic tantrum if he doesn't morph in to Nickolas Sparks for a day
No we didn't fuck. He picked me up I asked where we were going and he said "I don't know if you've ever heard of a little place called Denny's?" He was completely serious. I told him to stop the car and I got out and called Jack.
Randomize
