I'm gonna keep this simple. I threw up in your pillow case. Sorry.
i can't, i'm blowing bubbles in class and getting credit for it
I know man...but i cant pass up a catholic school girl fantasy
Woke up next to my bed in a pile of skittles, sleeping on a pair of sweatpants. I can't believe the girl didn't stick around..
You know how most people would take your keys when they don't want you to leave a party? Those 2 girls aren't most people. They took my pants instead.
A surprise thumb up the ass and I'm wide awake. She was right, no need for caffine pills I could fight ninjas now.
I deleted my history right in front of my girlfriend w/out her seeing. Let's go skydiving with no parachutes. I can live thru anything.
I think I broke my hip playing drunk ping pong
Who says there aren't gentlemen anymore? My one night stand warmed up my car for me
they asked me about my neuroscience major and I said 'the brain is the outer space of the body' and passed out. it appears my ivy league education is not going to waste
I'm sitting on your porch drinking wine from the bottle. Just so your new neighbors know what kind of people are in the neighborhood
So high, just applauded for a magic trick on Hulu.
YOURE A FUCKING ADULT. DONT TELL ME ITS PAST YOUR BEDTIME WHEN I WANT TO GET ANOTHER COCKTAIL.
Remember those two guys in our frat that would no homo everything? I just got an invitation to their wedding.
The cl.oudds are foaming a really big pen.Is OMG.
Randomize
