I wish Michael J Fox could read me bedtime stories
He could rock you to sleep
I may or may not be drunk driving a golf cart. Vegaaaassssssss.
glow-in-the-dark stars on his ceiling from '98 totally make blowing him more romantic.
separated laundry into 'got laid' and 'didn't get laid' piles.
Spent the last thirty minutes staring at the wall with Leah. It's definitly moving
Thanks again for allowing my sister to lose her virginity on your bed.
Is it appropriate to put "Mommy and Daddys shitfaced-ness that led to Aubrey" on a birth announcement?
Well you two just had a kid in the middle of college, I dont think anyone will notice.
Thanks bro
While running home from the bar in high heels I multi- tasked and sexted with Brent. Jesus.
Good morning! Just thought I'd give you my yearly reminder that we lost our virginities 7 years ago, yesterday.
That's the best creepy text ever.
Just when I thought he had turned a new leaf, I see a "Let me get you pregnant" shirt in his closet
Also I found and fixed my beer gun.
Well I'm going to San Francisco next weekend for pride. I'm sure I'll end up drunk and on a beach at some point.
Well I'll be shitfaced all day the 4th in honor of this great nation... but I'm down for drunken camping/nature fucking on the 5th
I finally figured out how to tighten my bra straps and I feel like a god
i'm sitting in my room 'bout to smoke a bowl. also, i found out that you don't need a permit to own a tiger in wisconsin, so we're buying one when we move in together.
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