oh well we may not be friends on facebook but at least i got laid
i went to go through my sent box of drunk texts from last night and they were all deleted... i'm going to assume drunk me made the executive decision that sober me would be better off not knowing what they said
I need to keep friends like you around just in case hell grades on a curve.
He wasn't there when I woke up so I left him a heart shaped line before I left.
If I weren't her cousin I'd take advantage of her and this low point in her life.
Y'know, "Class cancelled because Professor is stuck in Mexico," is not something I expected in college. Let alone, "Professor is stuck in Mexico, AGAIN."
Speaking of fellatio on fictional characters, the Stay Puft Marshmallow Man would be a delicious blowjob.
Just read 119 best sex positions. I wanna try 107 of them. Can I put you down for 50?
Oh man, are we repeating last 4th of July?!
That shouldn't even be a question, it's a tradition now. Hope your manhood is ready.
Her neighbors? They're nice. Young family. Tried not to get puke on their side of the lawn.
They were supposed to legalize it when there was a chance someone might actually propose to me. I'm appealing this bullshit.
I like to listen to classical music when I eat taco bell. I think it cancels out the aura of poverty and desperation.
Pornhub is actually a very wholesome website
Woman doing my Brazilian right now says to tell you she says hi...what has our life come to?
Hey, what's the French word for when you meet your boyfriend's friend and you have that gut feeling that you smoked pot naked in a hot tub with him at a house party years ago?
Randomize
