Ps there is totally a drug addled prostitute in olympic pizza asking for change for a 100 bill
i spent 15 mins trying to take money out of ATM with my drivers license saying, "what the fuckkkk" everytime it didnt work
ashley and jimmy are about to have sex on degrassi.... EVERYONES GETTING LAID BUT ME
I mean i might have to drop this class tomorrow. I just walked into a midterm
Black Friday shoppers are ridiculous. I think I just watched a marriage end.
hey. so did i get tied up by a jumprope last night?
He told me he doesn't want to fuck anymore because he needs to focus on school. Either he grew a vagina or he's secretly gay, it has to be one of the two.
I think my body is literally trying to get me to reproduce. "fuck someone! Anyone!" - my body
My phone autocorrected your name to "grownup." that couldn't be more inaccurate. I'm getting a new phone.
First highlight of the semester: campus safety caught me peeing in the dirt parking lot by kappa. Then as they were about to write me up, they recognized me, laughed, and left.
Lol I screamed "GOT AN ORDER OF VERSACE TACOS UP" and the whole kitchen was just like who the fuck is this kid
Hey, I'm 22. I'm allowed to have a sex life and you're going to hear about it.
Went up to some dude that hit on Laura and told him he has a voice like a grandma. Apparently didnt have muscles or kindness like grandma so can you pick me up at the ER please?
Just saw the pics from the bachelor party. When the hell did we go to southie. And why was there a chicken in the limo..? You guys really are my best friends.
I need a rain check on breakfast. A frat boy said it was his dream to sleep with a MILF, I made his dream come true and he made me cum
There is no way I’m wasting 21 year old morning wood
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