Just had to reach into my sister's bag and shut off her vibrator so my parents wouldn't hear it. I am the world's greatest brother.
just tell him i said nine months
I just woke up in bed with 4 girls. Either i dont remember the best night of my life or they think im gay.
if she leaves who will i have to secretly talk about behind thier back
I just found out my boyfriend is cheating on me, please tell me Carl is a unisex name.
naw. unless you want me to sit in a corner, not understand english and eat all of your cheese then i don't think it's a good idea.
Close. The correct answer is shitting in a public toilet. We also would have accepted the pit of despair.
I think she's perpetually drunk
It's all she knows
It's that thing where you don't have any food so you just drink beer to get your needed calories for the day.
Sober me admires drunk me's enthusiasm, but there is no way I'm going to make it out there today.
Lol drunk you is so full ideas and happy. Sober you is full of grumpy reality.
I bet Billy Ray Cyrus wishes he had pulled out now....
Antibacterial soap and prayers does not for spermicide make
If you bet guys that you can drink them under the table they will pay for your drinks all night until they pass out. I have this down to a science that I think even my dad would appreciate.
How hot? Like... how many hemsworths?
GOD I WOULD STAB DANNY IN THE EYE WITH HIS OWN PENIS
.........That big, huh?
No. I would cut it off
Randomize
