You wanna call me after your homoerotic shower?
Checked out the free sonogram van on campus and got a free DVD of my sweet food baby.
I made him go down on me for 40 mins then pretended to pass out. I swear, I'm like a boy.
If I should ask "why am I still single?" could someone please remind me of shooting mike and ikes out of my nose at the bartender last Saturday. many thanks
You can identity the picture as me the mistress his wife and him. It's that kinda awkard.
I'm pretty sure I just crapped out my pancreas. I have 2 of those, right?
That stripper was not happy when I tried putting a dollar in her court mandated ankle bracket/tracking device
Im just using you for your dick and your superb survival skills if needed.
For our 1st date, he tried to schedule a rock climbing. I suggested, "how about we meet at my place and you can scale Mt. Vagina?"
Nothing $200 worth of strippers and spicy fried chicken couldn't fix.
Also my face is like def lowkey made of silly putty
I'm determined to sit on that face.
Apparently I was so drunk last night I got stuck in the revolving door at the hotel. They have suveliance vidoes of it.
It was hands down the most magical fuck I've ever had
It was the only fuck you've ever had..
It's not christmas until we're acting sober in front of grandma
Randomize
