well thats why i like him. because he makes you happy. on the other hand i think he masturbates too much while texting you.
i like that you affectionately refer to him as "creepy" ever time you talk about him
we just drove by a car that was painted for a grad, it said "you done it!" with a confederate flag bumper sticker next to it. i love kentucky
I just found puke in my bra..
She swung at the pinata with crutches
do you remember yelling at the waitress that you were a power bottom?
after I lost so many games of beer pong they made me be a troll, I sat under the table and told riddles while retrieving balls.
Priorities: waking up on your doorstep desperately clutching half a meatball marinara but with no sign of your keys, purse or housemate. Where are you?!
It was awful. Mid hookup he started reading the titles of the books over my bed, which were about Russian imperial history. He then started asking me questions about the class I was reading the books for. I was like "WE HAVE TIME FOR THAT LATER, PLEASE CONTINUE."
Mystery solved. Def had ice creme last night. There is a melted half eaten ice creme bar next to the bed. Which had melted onto my pillow. That explains why it was in my hair too. Im a fucking sherlock holmes over here.
She was moaning so loud as i walked out of the room her roommates gave me a standing ovation... i think they are next
Wow. I feel like a bad friend. My fuckbuddy wished you a happy birthday before I did. The reality of that just hit me.
How is it possible that I'm still a virgin and you've managed to have sex in a cheetah print onesie TWICE
Your feet probs hurt bc the cab driver kicked us out a mile from home after you wouldn't stop screaming "prohibition can suck my dick"
Just used a NyQuil cup to take a shot. This night is headed nowhere good.
Randomize
