If I don't come home tonight, I've died in a pile of gay.
nothing says happy new years better than a black eye from shooting yourself with a champagne bottle
did the walk of shame through a baseball field. .A little league game was going on. Proceeded to buy a hot dog at the concession stand. the looks were priceless.
So I've gone into the break room to heat up a styrofoam cup 8 times over the course of 4 hours.. that desperate to see him. Now I have a broken heart AND cancer.
Ok, Jen and I are going out tonight and getting rowdy. I think you and Steph need to come. I understand if you can't, but not going out means you're automatically obligated to post bail. If necessary.
And I don't know what it is about weed making me want every episode of the real housewives of everywhere
When the shrooms kicked in we both simultaneously realized we were not the right puzzle piece for the dubstep puzzle.
We made eye contact and were like we are not welcome here, the ravers are onto us and we need to get the fuck out before we get shuffled upon
hurry up this bar wont let me order big pitchers of beer for just myself
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Wesley from the Princess Bride. I kept telling him what I wanted him to do and all he would say was "as you wish"
I'm gonna go to bars and pick up women hopped up on democracy.
You're dating a nurse! That's smart, you never know when you'll have a medical emergency. Probably liver failure.
Uhm after 8 I don't recall anything. All I know is there's a picture of me playing pong with my grandmother.
Is it inappropriate to be Drs. Willy Fister and Jess Hewill as a couples costume for Halloween?
Oh we're gynecologists
I'm saying "I told you so" now so that I don't slow down to say it on the way to grab the fire extinguisher
When you start lapping your martini like a cat it's time to go home. Partys over.
Randomize
