can a staight man not wear seersucker in this town?
I'm pretty sure she sent a group text out saying that I was the one to get with her last night and sorry to everyone who didnt make it.
Honestly it was an honor just to be nominated.
I'm blazed at jack in the box and my order number is 420. I wish everything in the world made this much sense.
remember when jerking off was fun and not a neccesity
Ketchup is God's man juice
New years is officially the only time its okay to drunk dial your parents.
I spent all day at the mall with her, then she made me actually watch a walk to remember then decided to tell me she was on her period. This one is either really crafty or I am really desperate.
We drove past his house blaring "Like a virgin" in the middle of the day. pretty sure he heard.
You said you wanted to start a restaurant called 'Barbecue' where everything is barbecued. You sounded really proud of your concept.
He went snooping and now he's all intimidated by my super amazing box of sexy time toys.
Please stop calling it that.
You thanked your mom for the gymnastic lessons so you could do a keg stand
But you put your finger in my ass and the rest is history
I want a shirt that says, "I'm sorry for the things I said when it was Taco Tuesday"
It's time you knew: I have been dating your probation officer for 7 months. Pretty certain he's THE ONE. So, thanks for being a criminal.
It was a good thing I was on the balcony flashing those guys or I would have never seen her skipping to his car
Randomize
