Call meee
Ok, but just to warn you, I'm as drunk as a Kennedy right now...
Yep, it's a dick on our front door. Intentional?
Every now and then I'll talk to a creeper for an extended amount of time. Randy, for instance, funded our entire night of horrible decisions.
I think my goal in life now is to be a Trending topic on Twitter after I die.
heading to class now, facing the weekend consquences
The little things make me happy. Little dicks do not.
I maybe just had sex outside in broad daylight. At a state park. Please be proud.
It's like she can't drink without using a flambongo
First day of class and I'm in a bar drinking pitcher #3. Foreshadowing?
I think I need to donate blood to see if I have Hepatitis. Again.
Please ignore everything I told you about my girlfriends vagina last night.
My code for I need help will be if I'm holding a bud light lime..
I just want to lay in a bed of egg mcmuffins and cry
Is it too early in the day to be getting dressed for the strip club?
Just accidentally flashed my junk to the lady helping me try on suits, it was cold in there, I don't think she was impressed.
Randomize
