Nothing is worse than puking naked in front of strangers
$22.99 left in the bank til payday = 3($7 jack & coke) + 2($0.89 T-Bell taco) + $0.21 in case of emergency.
math is fun
Come 10 years my vagina won't look like this. I must cherish it
I know. They started calling me The Incident. The hotel maids, that is.
I know I'm her Sunday school teacher. I just feel I would be saving others from a lot of headaches by telling her someday she's going to be a stripper
I should have considered my snorting capabilities before breaking my nose
everyone thought he was too sick to make it, but he showed up. Ten minutes in and he's doing vodka shots with nyquil chasers
trading diseases for a hangover? that's either a really good decision or a really, really bad one. we'll find out if he wakes up tomorrow
I'll just tell your children you were the queen of drunk town and you had a giant purple monkey named bongo
Apparently it's bring your ugly annoying ass piece of shit slob of a baby day at work
i mean i'm drinking free wine with lesbians and listening to sinead oconnor so i'm not sure who won that breakup
I mean my dick does have feeling again, which is a step in the right direction
BITCH I AM EXPERIENCING THE FEMININE MYSTERY SHUT UP AND GIVE ME DRUGS
I just saw the co founder of Waffle House passed away Friday. Are you okay?
That's about the same time my life started falling apart... Coincidence?!?!? I think NOT!!!
If we're going to communicate going forward, you'll need to be versed in Gillian Anderson.
Two words: nipple clamps
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