Never eat 3 McGriddles and drink a carton of milk. It's like you're successfully killing self but you're alive.
my vagina's been through so much this weekend
you mean so much has been through your vagina this weekend?
So my teacher figured out I made a drinking game out of her lecture. Once my drink was gone she let us out. Happy St. Patricks day class. Your welcome
She hadn't heard about the oil spill. She gave dumb blondes a whole new standard to aim for. I did her anyway...but that isn't the point.
I've only left my bed to pee and eat nutella out of the jar with my fingers
Could be my worst decision since the whole 'third degree burn' fiasco.
How is it that you get into at least one taco related fight a year?
A gay black guy with blonde hair and a gold tooth just told me he would shit on my face.
Now it's a party.
Any formal decision about whether we're planning to objectify naked women with daddy issues tonight?
I'm sorry but the visual image of you suffocating on vagina is basically hysterical
I hooked up with a guy that had a beard last night felt like I was building a fucken log cabin
I was thirsty after the sex and it was a long trek back to res so naturally I stole chocolate milk from his fridge as I left
Dashing through the vodka, in a tinder swiping rage, all the fuck boys get a no, laughing all the way.
Not to be gross and awkward, but I just had sex outside in the rain on the hood of a lexus
You do realize it’s only a matter of time before I have a bad day and come home with an alpaca?
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