So do you want to come over? ;)
Never again opening up the Pandora's box of crazy that is your vagina. Sorry.
Where are I am going home with Ryan
I don't know who this or Ryan is but it is probably too late to talk you out of it
dressing as green man for st patrick's day = free drinks all night long
Dude you can't like a status about me getting hit by a car
his penis was the training wheels of my sex life
ambylanc
what?
there was an amgbulance. iw ish i was in it.
I just dropped off shoes at Mike's hotel. The chick he hooked up with last night stole his phone and shoes.
I am pretty sure they consider me one of the "bros". They compliment girl's racks to me and are the human forms of dick-be-gone. They won't sleep with me more than once cause it's "weird", or let any "untrustworthy boys" sleep with me and I still help them get laid. Not...fair...
Also was told that I was her "third favourite booty call" - I'm taking this a good thing right?
It's a podium place so yeah...
Current state of being: shivering like a new born kitten on the bathroom floor
I need you to teach me how to be roommates with somebody I'm not fucking.
You full on peed your pants then resurrected yourself like Jesus Christ...
I saved a sauce packet from taco bell that said "Free me" to use in my next break up.
I figure I since I made out with him that I at least had to save his number in my phone.
I’m honestly just flattered that you think I could make PornHub’s Top 10.
Randomize
