Haha dude youd die if you were here. Girl presenting is defending the new testament and did her report on JESUS. best believe i'm gonna ask some hungover, atheist ass questions
Thank you for leaving pool of vagina on my girlfriends carpet.
For a day that started with shitting my pants, things turned out fairly well.
I woke up in a house cuddled up with a beagle on a futon. have no idea who anyone is but they all call me stretch. yeaaahhh boiiiiii
everybody makes mistakes
i didn't know they allowed you to text in ambulances
Home remedy for the herp. Black tea. I need to strap teabags to my wang.
I love you. I'm too high for this. Find a way. Make it happen. Live strong.
it's been dubbed the summer of antibiotics
True that.. I am going to ride a gold plated unicorn across a field of cocaine and coach purses when I graduate.
That was beautiful.
Haha he was not a poor little guy. If he'd talked to me or something I might feel bad. But since I saw him groping other girls as well as myself there's no sympathy coming from me
He's just picking out the right girl. I do the same thing with fruit. Grope them, squeeze them, smell them. I have to know I'm getting quality fruit.
You know how I said I'd never worry about my roommate? Well I just walked in on her masturbating to Star Trek.
Did she boldly cum where no one has cum before?
Help everyone's hot
Men are hot women are hot non-binary people are hot aliens are hot
Apparently at some point last night someone gave me tequila. There was a few shots left when I woke up so that was breakfast. This is a good birthday
If my neighbors have super loud sex again tonight, I'm going to leave a ball-gag and roll of duct tape in their mail slot.
i black out too much to be "responsible"
Randomize
