everytime i eat a fruit i feel like i'm eating ovaries
all we need is a web designer
and a bunch of prostitutes
I vomitted in the hotel where they film gossip girl last night. Everywhere.
I should have but it might be too early in this fuckbuddyship to emasculate him
Say something like you want him to fuck you behind a McDonald's. Guys secretly love weird shit like that.
I'll see ya tonight at your house...and I'm bringing you a special treat that starts with a V and ends with us eventually going to rehab one day.
Ran into my neighbor that's always crying. I wonder if she's like; "I ran into my neighbor who's always playing with her vibrator?"
He kept walking up to every girl at the party saying "Hi, I'm George Clooney. No I won't marry you." He left with three girls.
If you've never yelled, "fuck you ray Lewis" in front of your 87 year old grandfather you haven't lived
I can wear a rubber suit at three am and spank someone's ass until its sore and fuck them three ways from Sunday. And get up the next day and do their laundry. As long as once in awhile they rub my back without expecting anything
You cried for a while then lifted lots of weights then cady's ex put glitter on your tits and then you took a nap. I got you pizza and brought you home. Nothing too exciting.
the only reason I'm still sleeping with him is to get the university's secure wifi password
My lash glue is stronger than my sense of self respect
Fuck it, i havent messed around in half a year. I have sexual tension with a fire hydrant.
Stopping for a booty call on the way to a lunch date... Bad form?
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