Mind blown. Apparently, it's PRErogative, not PERogative. I blame Bobby Brown.
I would like to remind you that Mike's hard lemonade only goes good with an extra light cigarette and seminal fluid.
how much land on farmville do you have now? i sold all my shit to make room i need more money... these animals need to know I'm running a business not a charity.
Her parents came home early, i had to hug her mom with a condom on...
Oh god. It's my first day here, I'm still drunk and somebody just drifted in a forklift. I'm going to die.
oh don't forget that when we go furniture shopping we have to find a matching bong so put more money in the furniture fund
I cleared a drunken path to my bed for you. If you hit clothes you've gone too far.
They ran through the sprinklers in front of campus police, shirtless. Singing "love is a battlefield"
Rode my bike to work still drunk. Almost threw up on a camper while getting him out of his parents car.
OK! No more randoms over for the next month this is the third fucking time I caught a naked dude drinking my OJ in the middle of the night.
Honestly I think at this point I purposefully schedule nothing on Sundays anymore so I can spend all day wallowing in my shame.
Annnnd I didn't even notice there is a guy dancing in a jock strap beside me. That explains girls smiling at me
Good night I hope you dream about knitting and threesomes
I was jerking him off and in two seconds he went from "oh yeah that feels good" to "what day is Thanksgiving again?" and then back again. Like wtf.
She was talking about how a garden gnome was hitting on her the whole night. We thought she was just that high, but turned out the gnome was that guy in the weird hat.
Randomize
