Fuck u you updated twitter but didn't answer my text
I know you're alive
u know ur in oregon when the cop tells u to keep the beer cans he made u pour out so u can recycle them
Midnight walks are trippy
I tried to do that earlier, but I was alone and scared, so I stole a happy Birthday balloon.
Even if you were sober, spitters are STILL quitters, end of story.
I woke up, not remembering how or when or why i was even there and looked over to find Steph spooning with an adult black man.
Pretty sure I went to the bar in my bathing suit, sweat pants, and high heels.
I'm going to listen to christmas music to trick my body into cooling off.
Worst ten minutes of my life, it's was like trying to put a marshmallow in a piggy bank....
Come down. Bring Jorts. We're getting ready for this tricycle race like champions.
It's not meant to be. I also just shot a turkey baster of gin into Nate's eye, so....
Dress was in bathroom covered in shards of glass, earrings on living room floor, bracelet still missing, purse in backyard. The cast of Princess Bride all left the bar to make sure I was ok. Perfect night
He woke me up at 5am to recite nursery rhymes to our fictitious unborn child.
I've officially slept through a hurricane, a tornado and had sex during an earthquake. I'm surviving.
Look, his dick is so good at being a dick that it makes me see God. And I don't even believe in God.
We're about to get drunk and it feels wrong without you
Randomize
