True Life: I hate vaginal excretions
Seriously.......what do you have to do to get arrested in Vegas???
dude she was so drunk she thought Jim Joyce made the right call
you thought your balls were fighting each other...
I am gunna fuck the accent right out of her mouth
I'm drunk on a monday night. Not a good start to finals week
She's gone now. Left with the wind like a majestic leaf that just rides the invisible current to locations unknown. And dude, her friends were really hot.
You may genuinely find a use for the siphon. But the bag of human hair is less likely.
Why did my little sister call me from your phone this morning?
Things like this can't be explained over text man
I also got a mission for you and you're gonna love it. Biggest. Hospital. Party. Ever.
Dude what is wrong with me. I'm like a strong independent woman and shit.
I found three naked dudes in your bed this morning. Did we have a really weird break in or do you need to tell me something?
Should I apologize for the loud sex I had in his living room? Because I'm not going to.
Definitely not.
I banged a marine last night. No wonder everybody respects them.
Nothin much, just sipping warm franzia from a plastic valentines wine glass while wrapped in my Mexican blanket listening to sappy country songs and mourning my lack of a love life. Hbu?
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