The pink midgets playing hockey is the EXACT reason cold meds and alcohol do not mix. Period.
I hid drinks in her bathroom closet.... like a squirrel... a squirrel who knew she was going to get cut off soon
I have learned that if you don't want to hook up with the guy who walked you home, food is great compensation.
I am so excited I do not know how I will sleep.
It's like the Christmas morning of dicks
i knew as soon as i met you that i was gonna be the designated driver
downside - we got stuck at the intersection before the santa clause parade started and had to wait for it to end. upside - i got frontrow seats and a blow job to the santa clause parade.
it was also funny because at one point I woke up with my hands tied with a belt and we were both like what the fuck
Crowning achievement. I bought ranch dressing and emergency contraception.
We had sex and he ended up in the hospital... don't know if I should be worried or proud.
Apparently you can unlock an iPad by doing a line on the lock screen I'm about to bust that myth
Under no circumstances is tits McGee to make that kind of decision about my life!
Rule 1: If any of us dies on a trip, the other two have to 'Weekend at Bernies' the shit outta that corpse...
Not sure what happened last night, but I woke up without a shirt on and cereal glued to my boobs...
What's the policy on calling guys who have kids daddy...
Turns out he's just a recently divorced IT guy. Not a wizard.
Randomize
