His little brother walked in on us. Six times.
"Not only do I bring a guy back to my hotel room....But I bring one back for my friend who's passed out drunk. Now that's what we call BESTfriends"
Not going out tonight. And so the 25 day drinking streak ends....
Just found bud in my hair....gotta love curls
Also you know what's worse than drunk texting? Drunk leaving soup on your hot neighbor's porch.
The hookup that almost was... Both partys too drunk to migrate to the other.... the universe has won this one.
My friend had to carry her up the steps on his shoulder, and then she got up, found an ironing board and set it up in my friend's room just in case he needed to iron things.
He called my boobs fluffy. Part sexy part pilsbury dough boy. Part sexy pilsbury dough boy. I'm so confused. And flattered?
Is it totally terrible that I just signed up for classes and already found the guy I'm going to bang??
I felt like I was selling my soul to satan but then I realized I already pawned it for drug money
You'd be proud. Took my birth control today at 12:30 with a Budweiser. Guy across the bar saw and held his bottle up to salute me 😂
Get here now. I need a drinking buddy. I don't care if you're in a different timezone, it'll be five o clock here faster.
I slept like a rock because of your dick. I'll thank him personally later.
I told him I want him to read me my Miranda rights while he's fucking me. Act exactly like he does while he's on duty except with his dick out.
I promise your sink was clogged before I threw up in it.
Randomize
