Call me in 2 minutes and go along with what I say. You're hysterical and I must go comfort you asap. He just asked if I was ready to experience sex with a wizard and he wasnt kidding.
You can't date a girl from every country.
I'm the captain planet of women
Just saw a denim jacket with the phrase christian cowboy...ridin with the lord under a picture of a cowboy in a sunset. I'm def in mississippi.
I am a terrible person. This is almost as bad as when I was going to see my ex while my boyfriend was at that funeral.
The stripper had a daughter my age and offered to introduce us. I didn't know what to say to that.
I'm in a hotel full of Marines. I'm leaving here pregnant.
Just blew my age on the breathalyzer. I also have 8 stitches in my head. So worth a .22 though. All time record.
btw theres a pine tree in the downstairs shower. the guys thought it would be a great free air freshener.
Currently in the bathroom stall of a gay bar in new haven giving myself an anti throw up pep talk
I'm good. We walked you back to my apartment and you demanded to eat the sandwich I made for him
Hey, if a dude can't randomly belt out Whitney Houston tunes from time to time, is life really worth living??
Just screamed wow while using my vibrator.. new low
I have just received a gold-medal-deserving sext. He wrote me a fucking novel. Not only am I incredibly turned on but I am beyond impressed. He is the sext god. I must bow to him.
my grocery cart consisted of hershey bars, sour patch kids, starbursts, mayo, 4 frozen pizzas, 4 lunchables, and chips. clearly, i can't do this on my own.
Im not as flexible as I once was, but I still managed to get eaten out in the front seat of a hummer behind keddies.
Randomize
