i just want to meat her and do terribly wonderful things to her vagina...
Today should be called shooting fish in a barrel day. Every place ive gone to ive met a girl who regrets not hooking up last night. There have not been girls this easy since Fathers Day
so we started it doggy style, but since we were really drunk kinda fell to the side and turned into a 'lazy dog'... my new favorite position btw
just had to explain to the health center why i wanted 50 condoms a month.
The cabbie told us to at least pretend we weren't doing coke while he was driving
The car just stinks of weed and we are all sitting here trying to hide it from my mom by rolling down the windows, like it's not coming off my sisters boyfriend
I just threw up in my front yard because my roommate was in the bathroom. Fuck New Years Day.
I literally have nothing else left to cut besides my drug budget; the dark days are among us
He told me he loved me and then peed his own bed. So at least it was a memorable one night stand.
You ask too many questions when I'm blowing you. You're like a dentist asking how my day has been during a cleaning.
Nothing ruins an orgasm faster than accidentally calling out his boss's name
I brought those bastards cookies so they can deal with my sex noise, fuck them and their roommate asses
Wine. Check.\nDino chicken nuggets. Check.\n#IssaParty
"Why is there a bottle of Tequila taped to the fan?"
Did u puke in a church parking lot? And go to the wrong funeral yesterday? Lol
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