I'm drinking bacardi out of her mom's eco-green starbucks mug and chasing it with her sister's "for track only" vitamin water. Hello suburbia
If only guys knew how much awkward ass shaving goes into making sex this good...
He is in the front yard trying to catch birds out of the air with a fishing net.
I just got licked by a stripper, not so great anymore.
I want to bury your face in my vagina. Possibly by force. I will try not to suffocate you though.
Bought two parrots for us. I'm keeping them at the Bellagio.
And apparently midway I said "hurry up and finish so we can talk about what a bad idea this was"
Are we still banned from the library?
It was like stroking your vagina with a cloud.
No teenage boy ever gets scared away from sex unless she is slipping a wedding ring on your finger or is killing your cat. I promise.
True love: he brought me a margarita while was in the shower. He's a keeper.
My tongue is raw from licking all that salt with my tequila shots...happy cinco de mayo
It's not above me to sleep with him solely for his authentic budweiser shirt
I explained to him that me turning straight is a once a year thing. And this boy just happens to be the chosen one.
He was married to his college girlfriend for 20 years. Just give him the blow job he’s been fantasizing about since last century and he’ll be wrapped around your little finger
Randomize
