On a scale from 0 to 24...wait, 3 to 24, where 6 is the lowest and 12 is the highest, how freaking high re you right now?
I am NOT getting arrested in a batman mask
Note to self: Not getting laid all weekend makes girls in mondays classes racks seem enormously bigger.
How long after st. Patrick's day is it ok to shit green before I should seek medicial attention?
I just want dick. Yours just gets priority because it is glorious
Can you confirm that Victor fucked a girl for Jack in the Box tacos?
I cannot, but I know he fucked a girl for a Nerf hoop and a "Kingpin" dvd.
Quick!! What's a good reason for me to have rug burn on my chin?
Is it sad that I have better conversations with his roommate before or after sex than I do with him in general?
She just took a mirror selfie at the hospital while in labor.
It's 4/20 of course I'm going to smoke in the portapotty and be ripped outta my mind at the lung cancer walk.
Right now I'm in a club where they are passing out glow in the dark dildos by the dozen. I don't think my life will ever get weirder than it is at this moment.
Friend as in 'I used to have sex with her' or friend as in 'I still want to have sex with her'?
Wikipedia just saved you three hours and $30 on a bar tab. You should donate.
$5. Donated.
If I ever drink whiskey again make sure I don't eat the plastic cups that I'm drinking them from.
I can’t tonight. I’ve got to see about a penis
Randomize
