I just spread your mom's ashes with my new girlfriend. I wouldve waited for you to fly home but she was uncomfortable in the house with her remains there. I'll mail you the urn since u handpainted it.
YOU HAVE A GIRLFRIEND ALREADY!?! WTF WE JUST HAD HER FUNERAL 3 WEEKS AGO!!!!!!!!!!!!
If there is a god, you will have pink eye tomorrow.
French people screaming and throwing stuff out the window. We told the manager and he's pissed and going up there. This is gonna be like cops. Maybe better than cops.
like he said he was barking at you while cumming in your face
Don't do anything you wouldn't want to explain to paramedics
But that's half the fun of it
Just don't let me fall on anything that can be broken. Unless its a dick
If you're wondering where your left shoe is you lost it in a bet with a homeless guy last night
My asshole is basically a geyser at this point. Minus the excitement. Plus blood.
there is a video of me from last night trying to light my breath on fire. that drunk.
There's an old guy having a conversation with his penis in the bathroom right now.
Moral of the story is go have sex with a foreigner and report back to me.
I just smoked by myself in my childhood bedroom, how happy does it seem I am to be home for Christmas?
she's p upset bro
Where is he. I have a sword.
nobody put me to bed and I ended up peeing on a tree and got written up
I feel kind of like we’re in a gang and tonight is one of those “people are gonna know not to fuck with us” type of nights. And then tomorrow I am going to learn to pole dance. I’m not really sure how I got to this point in my life… but I like it.
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