I hope he's okay, but I also hope he shows up with an eyepatch
The amount of pregnancy tests I've taken in my life is unhealthy
How did the whale quest end up? I saw u hit a little snag when the first one heard you call her that.
I want to bury your face in my vagina. Possibly by force. I will try not to suffocate you though.
I have one of those hangovers where you visualize how awesome it would be to climb in your fridge and drink glacier water
It was going alright when lo and behold Tom the cock blocking tornado hits. He is the only man I know who doesn't want anyone to fuck girls.
Was it fun? The night started with home made Jager and ended in him falling out of a tree with a pocket full of house numbers...you tell me.
My genitals don't want beer. They want to not feel like they wandered into a hornet's nest.
Our house rule in beer pong, is that if you get the ball in the bitch cup.... you have to snapchat your balls to everyone on your friends list.
AND HOLY SHIT FLUBBER IS ON NETFLIX
And I wasn't CONVICTED of a felony, I just committed one
Good news my life of crime finally paid off
The tequila monkeys have a drum solo in my skull right now. I can't imagine Emily feels better.
I still think he’s a fuckboy but he’s nice to me when I’m over.\nLike sets alarms for me in the morning and always makes sure I cum.
i was watching the elves fighting on my knees while waiting for the shrooms to kick in then i realized
Randomize
