Just be blunt and say drink from my dick
We found an eightball on the ground last night. I mean, really, who does that?
Just proof I should've brought the airhorn with me to class.
the trick is not to think about where her tounge has been.
I could hear them screwing through my bedroom wall again this morning, so I started beat boxing to the tempo.
I performed "get broken glass out of my shoulder" surgery last night... Drunk, with a what-a-burger straw.
Just a heads up before you get home. Took the shelves out of the fridge so i could fit the beer ball and bucket of riot punch. Apparently i decided the stove was the best place to keep them. They got cooked when we pre heated to cook a bird we shot. This may be the final straw for our security deposit
Just drug him and when he wakes up be like "you just woke up from a coma, we've been married for the past five years." It'll be like the Vow but fucked up.
Dude, nobody just eats a banana these days. This chick wanted it. She wanted to get down with Charlie Brown.
I hugged the bouncer as we left.
Pretty sure I just became my mom's wingman
I had to ask him for a dick pic. Do you know how refreshing that was?
This weekend I was almost blinded by a cumshot to the eye, so happy Labor Day I guess
Is "You've never made me cum." an acceptable breakup line?
I’m going to fail his daughter so she stays in my class and I can keep fucking him. BEST. ORGASMS. EVER.
Then you can teach the kid to be a home wrecker
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