and the mascot is a pinecone. its really no surprise that people here dont get laid
That's the last time I try to be adventurous at a gas station
I feel like im in a tornado of daylight savings, tequila and death
He fell asleep in the strip club and they paid some stripper $20 to sit on his face until he woke up.
Well, when he's back from China he's probably gonna be pissed I used the spare key he gave me to prove to everyone I'm fucking an NBA player. We took all his booze too.
She said I looked exactly like my dad. Then she made out with me. Should I be questionable?
Wait, whatever happened to locking our vaginas in closets?
I had to rub one out before the Shabbat dinner in case I find a nice Jewish girl to fuck me in the bathroom.
Your mother would be so proud
Will you trust fall hold me, so I can pee of this building.
Dad's teaching me to make moonshine this weekend as "college prep". How scared should I be sis?
My goal for the weekend: procure a blowjob using only stern glances, hand gestures, and crudely-drawn stick figures.
drunk brunch me or lose me forever
She left you responsible for her guinea pig for what, 3 hours? And it somehow died under your care? I will no longer trust you with so much as a beer.
She yelled out "MCDREAMY" mid orgasm
Well, let me first tell you that jack and cokes were ONE FUCKING DOLLAR.. It's like the club wanted me to make poor choices.
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