That bar we were at last night smelled like cougars. Virginia Slims, Aqua Net and Summer's Eve.
if i see another status about New Moon, i'm gonna punch a baby
Reason #57 I am going to fail the bar... it's Tuesday and i'm drunk at Toy Story 3.
Trust me. My penis has made more than enough decisions this weekend.
Sorry about the voicemail last night, people in hostel thought getting the clap from cheating on me wasn't enough and you hearing a 6 foot 5 Swedish dude bang the shit out of me was needed.
He just asked me if I wanted a ride on the "bologna pony." I never wanna have sex again...
Just induced vomiting to put out a carpet fire.
Everyone is cheering
I need a straight guy to pretend to be my boyfriend for 30 minutes so that I can pull off an act of petty vengeance. Interested?
He's like a unicorn and I just wanna domesticate him
Well the streak is over, I saw a penis today
woke up to my little sister's best-friend's boyfriend in my bed, but how's your saturday going?
Can I get high for this class every tuesday? Its like a multi-sensory carnival acid trip.
i was making a gravity bong in my room and my dad walked in. he helped me finish. i love being home for the holidays.
I need to hurry up and get over my feelings for him so next year's tipsy reunion sex won't be clouded by emotions.
i think i puked but i couldve been a dream and i may have madeout with a 20 something guy infront of my managers...also possible dream.
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