Spider just rapelled from her vag rethinking online dating.
I wish there was some sort of "recently added" function for blackberrys so i could see what random numbers i got from the night before
just woke up to overhearing her on the phone saying "yeah we fucked last night, that makes 42." should i get tested?
well i fucked her too, so yes.
You know you hit rock bottom when you make out with a guy named after a cereal.
Police were closing down the bar due to gunfight and I was crying because they wouldn't let me finish putting temporary shamrock tats on my boobs
i swear to god. if they dont have practically DTF written on their foreheads, or a glowstick in their hands, strictly no entry.
We jumped on a random trolley because total strangers offered us free vodka. We're not even on the route map as far as I can tell. I see now how those people died in "Hostel"... we deserve whatever happens to us tonight.
So update from last night: I made friends with a coke dealer, I tore the card scanner off the wall of my dorm, and I passed out on our bathroom counter with my head in the sink.
He's freaking out just because my cat licked his balls while he was fucking me
I will keep you posted and someday if we daydrink teach you how to do a footjob
I met his dad. Turns out he was a one nighter from the nurses conference in Vegas. Not sure how to handle this one.
Clearly, you already have. Both of them.
I AM VODKA MAN
while he was teaching, every time he said "wet" he would look at me, that's what you get for sleeping with the professor's assistant
if you're the one who put those dollar bills in my bra last night, thank you because I just used that money to get myself a coffee
I have only made 3 good decisions in my life and getting really stoned reenacting the Lion King with my cat in a lion mane hat is 2 of them.
Randomize
