When I went to court, my judge's name was Honorable Ball. I couldn't stop laughing.
that probably didn't help your case.
you were definitelymotorboating random chicks as they walked out of the bar. just like, down the line. you kept yelling "Motor Boats for everyone!!!!"
all you did was keep googling "what time is it" over and over and over
i wish i could google "things to eat in my fridge" so i wouldnt have to go downstairs and be disappointed
The cop actually kicked the bitches out of the cab so we could get ours. I flipped them all off as the door was shutting. That drunk.
At least you get to smell pizza at your job. I just smell despair all day long.
Did he ask you why you were in his back yard Sunday night?
While I was sneeking out of her apartment, there was a giant cage with a parrot in it. I half expected it to squak "hit and run...hit and run."
How does one hint at their mentee that they used to casually fuck his brother
I might stash a bottle of vodka in your mailbox, that way if I wanna leave early I can drink in your frontyard till you get back.
Now accepting any stories about my adventures last night, in particular why my knuckles are bleeding.
Like I cant decide if he's like autistic or something or just seriously cock blocks himself on purpose with this shit
I forgot to lock the bathroom door. He walked in, saw me on the toliet, nodded, and walked back out.
Woke up with a pineapple again... where do i keep on getting these ??
snapping my married booty call and next thing I know a plan b ad pops up
Randomize
